Hi Avery, it’s your father, again…

I feel like I need to examine the direction of my creative aspirations, is my talent just a deluded figment of my imagination, or am I exploring something real? How do I know that I’m on the path towards achieving a sense of creative self-importance? Its important to me, to feel like I’m good at this, and sometimes I feel a realistic possibility that I lack a worthwhile voice.

Some of my ideals of what is and is not worthwhile, were recently challenged in a manor that I had not expected. I had this feeling that my selfishness could be poisoning my motives to write, and I began to ask myself, is this a sincere attempt to create art, or is this just the window dressing of an insecure ego?

For much of my life, I have experienced these discoveries of “truth” from the perspective of a consumer; watching movies, reading books and listening to the conversations of artists that I admire. On this occasion, I had experienced it from the perspective of a creator. I had to write something that was not about me. It was a speech for a friends wedding, and it felt like a new challenge, because it had to be about him, and him only.

Avery, I was afraid that my craft is only driven by ego, and I was afraid of performing without it. I accepted the challenge, and decided to ignore my concerns, and try my best.

                                     

Here is the speech I wrote for Michael and April Kledzinski’s wedding celebration:

“Mike can be a challenging person to get to know.

When you engage Him in a conversation, he will never share a thoughtless opinion

But he will only provide you with the most necessary information,

often at a pace that could be described as “calculating”.

I’m grateful to say, we quickly became friends with many shared interests.

As much as I enjoyed this friendship, I would sometimes feel like Mike was holding back on life,

I could never understand exactly why it seemed that way.

But This doubt of mine was proven wrong,

When a feisty red-head from Texas came to visit for a weekend.

I noticed a new smile, I heard a new laugh, and I saw a side of Mike that I had never seen before.

Mike was never holding back, he was looking for something worth fighting for….

Tonight, I would like to personally thank Mike and April

for reminding me that the richest path to happiness is the path you make your own,

I kindly ask everyone to raise their glasses,

In honor to Mike and April’s future, happiness, and the the trail of memories they intend to share with us all.

Life is better together, so let’s keep it that way

Cheers.”
Written by: Shawn P. Boyle  June 4th 2011

I wrote and re-wrote that short speech, all the way up to the final seconds of show-time, and when I finished my speech, I did not get much of an immediate reaction from the audience. An insecure panic sets in, and I wonder; was it too short, was my humor misunderstood, or… am I just not funny?
Thankfully my concerns were quickly squashed. Friends and family flooded me with praise, a few had even admitted to crying, so my ego bloats and I spend the rest of the night, wearing an exuberant smile of personal accomplishment.

                            

I learned a valuable lesson that day Avery, people will notice you when you care, when you try, and when you speak honestly about someone besides yourself. I don’t want you growing up being selfish, like I did, and if I’m going to have those expectations of you, I need to apply them to myself as well.

I look forward to further acts of unselfishness, and I look forward to you. I don’t know if I’m a great writer, and I don’t know if I will be a good Father, what I do know, is that I’m finally no longer afraid to try.

                            

                            Love, Dad

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